Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Snipping The Flesh

Sorry for the late post today, but I've been going through recovery for most of the day. Today, I had the bullets removed from my gun. I became all juice, and no seeds.

In short, I had a vasectomy.

There are several reasons I'm posting about the experience. First, it IS flesh-related, right? Second, not everyone gets a vasectomy every day, and so it might be informative to others curious or considering the same thing. And perhaps most importantly, I've always felt that we shroud certain parts of our physicality in a "shhhh.... don't talk about it" kind of mentality, which I think is wrong.

As regular readers may know, I am married and Mrs. Fleshpresser and I recently welcomed our second child into this world. Both of our children are beautiful, healthy, and amazing creatures. We have a boy and a girl - a matched set, you might say. So, we have done the procreation that we intend to do.

My wife has pumped her body full of hormones and chemicals in the form of contraceptives for dozens of years. She has also gone through two C-Sections in order to bring our children into the world.

This is - literally - the least I could do to repay her for all of that.

For those unaware, here's the short background on vasectomies. Testicles produce sperm. The sperm is carried via the vas deferens into the urethra, where it is released into semen.

This would be your "cock"-ed and loaded scenario.

A vasectomy, then, simply cuts the vas deferens in two, and cauterizes the ends. Easy, right?

Well, actually, for all of the "folklore" associated with a surgery performed on the most private of a man's private areas, it really wasn't all that bad. I had a "no-scalpel" version performed, which essentially means that they make a puncture in the scrotum, rather than an incision.

I'm here to tell you - it really wasn't a big deal at all. They shot me up with a really wonderful valium-like drug that took effect immediately and had me babbling about all sorts of nonsense during the procedure. They shoot the scrotal area with LOTS of novacaine, and I literally wasn't aware when the procedure began, nor when it was finally over. It took all of about ten minutes to complete, and I walked out shortly thereafter.

OK.... so I've spent most of the day on the couch with a bag of frozen corn on my balls. But the soreness hasn't been nearly as bad as I anticipated it might be.

In a week or so, I have to provide the dreaded "samples" - to ensure that no sperm remains. Thankfully, these samples can be "produced" at home, rather in the office, which makes it slightly more bearable.

So, what do I thik about it now, post-procedure? I guess I'm feeling old. I went through my teen years and twenties avoiding pregnancy, and sweating through more than a few anxious moments. After my wife and I were married for several years, we both hoped that we had been good enough to our bodies that we hadn't wrecked our chances of a pregnancy. And of course, it is inevitable to feel that split-second, knee-jerk reaction of virility once the pregnancy has been confirmed.

It feels like a milestone has been passed now. That "threat" or "promise" of pregnancy will no longer be something I concern myself with - for better or worse.

I've been assured that I'll remain the medicore lover that I've always been, so at least nothing has changed there. Just a few of the consequences.

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Posted by FleshPresser at 11:47 PM /


  • Blogger Catch posted at 3:17 AM  
    You sound like a very thoughtful husband!!! Your wife is a lucky woman!

  • Blogger Cb posted at 7:51 AM  
    Congratulations! One caution (that I am sure you know) it takes something like 10-20 "shots" before the gun is empty. So just don't be too cock-sure. ;-)

  • Blogger Kitten posted at 9:27 AM  
    CONGRATULATIONS!! It takes a real man to do something so wonderful and thoughtful for his wife. Ya did good! :-)

  • Anonymous ModFab posted at 10:37 AM  
    Congrats, old friend. (And yes, we're old now. Sigh.) I'm proud of you...although I must admit to spending most of the morning laughing at the mental image of you on the couch with a bag of frozen corn on your balls. It's a kind of porn we rarely see in today's modern cinema. ;-)

  • Blogger lee posted at 7:42 PM  
    Good for you, fleshpresser! mr. olio had a vasectomy a few years ago: it is so nice not having to fool with birth control!

  • Blogger Lizbeth posted at 12:25 AM  
    Well Mr. Fleshpresser, congrats, you are anything but old(this coming from a young barley in the world gal)
    But kudos to you for doing that for the Beautiful! Mrs. Fleshpresser.

    Thats alot of fun without anyworrying ahead there ;)

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