Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Giving Christians a Bad Name for 75 Years...
OK, let's not pretend that the Left doesn't have a lightning rod or two of our own, but how can ANYONE look to Pat Robertson for spiritual or moral guidance of any kind?
How can a man claim to be Christian and Pro-Life, and then call for assassination of a public figure, and pray for the death of Supreme Court Justices? But does this surprise us?
Even conservatives are publishing laundry lists of the evils of Pat Robertson today.
Pat Robertson is evil incarnate, but this isn't new. He's been evil as long as I have any recollection of knowing the true meaning of evil.
Posted by FleshPresser at 4:24 PM /
Princess Meow posted at 9:56 AM
Pat Robertson's 10 Commandments (the small print)
"I, Pat Robertson, proclaim myself the extreme right hand to the LORD your God and thereby require my followers to adopt and live by my complete commandments written below."
ONE: The Lord said, "You shall have no other Gods before me".
I say, "That is GREAT, but just remember I am the only one on the planet who knows who the "real" God is, every other leader of every other faith in the world is smokin' crack so if you believe in them, you are going to hell!"
TWO: The Lord said, "You shall not make for yourself a carved image--any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth."
I say, "Again, God's "da man" and all, but hey, remember you must idolize me and that REQUIRES you to send me all your hard earned money to support my vast vast "religious" empire. If you don't you are going to hell "
THREE: The Lord said, "You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain."
I say, "AMEN Brothers & Sisters. EVERYONE (besides me) that does this.....is going to hell!"
FOUR: 'The Lord said," Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy."
I say, "unless there is this really cool event I require you to attend so you can give me all my hard earned money to support my vast "religious" empire. If you don't , then you will go to hell!"
FIVE: The Lord said, "Honor your father and your mother.'"
I say, "this falls into the "no poo (shit is a bad word don't ya know)" category. If you don't you are going to hell!"
SIX: The Lord said, "You shall not murder."
I say, "Unless that person thinks, acts, smells, talks, looks, loves, lives, believes, disagrees, has a different political affiliation than me, calls MY idiocy on the carpet, or dares to DISRESPECT MY AUTHORITY as God's self appointed extreme RIGHT hand man, then it is ok. If you don't hate all the aforementioned types of degenerates er um...people, then you will most SURLY GO TO HELL!!!"
SEVEN: The Lord said, "You shall not commit adultery."
I say, "UNLESS I can use this information to blackmail you so you will give all your hard earned money to support my vast "religious" empire. If you refuse, I will expose you and you WILL go to hell!!!"
EIGHT: The Lord said, "You shall not steal."
I say, "Chapter 4 of the Idiot's guide to Evangelic Extremism clearly defines the forceful act of requiring all followers to fork over all their hard earned money to support my vast "religious" empire is NOT defined as stealing. If you don't believe me....then you ARE going to HELL!
NINE: The Lord said, "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."
I say, "See Commandment #6 for the "exceptions" to this rule. If you don't believe me, you WILL go to HELL!"
TEN: The Lord said, "The Lord said, "You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's."
I say, "Unless I say with ALL the authority I have given myself as your shepherd, your leader, your one and ONLY path to heaven that it is ok to do so. If you don't ask ME before you covet, then you WILL GO TO HELL! See ya there!"
FleshPresser posted at 10:54 AM
Amen! Testify, Kitten!
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Princess Meow posted at 9:56 AM
